A wild thought - The first novel sucks

I realized today

- I should have no fear as I wrote my first novel when I was 14.

I wrote it in a notebook, by hand, with tiniest letters I was able to muster back then. I remember using my pen’s tip turned upside down to make them even more smaller and thinner. Just to fit as many words on one page as possible. The novel is way shorter than I remember. I suspect that someone have ripped of some pages… ok we know that no one touched that notebook - except that one time - but since then, no one. And we know that my nostalgia greatly exaggerates the size of it. The real “size” is… a fracture of what you would call a novel. Maybe enough for a chapter or two. You may guess it - it’s total crap. No great ideas hidden in there, no diamonds in the rough, it’s C-R-A-P.

All first novels are crap.

Are they?

And what means “first” novel? Does my notebook count as a first novel? Or does only a true novel-novel will count? I personally like to think that first is a relative term. You might have written tons of scrap pages of “some novels” that never worked out. Tons of short stories - maybe published maybe not. I used to play RPG games with my friends and a lot of time we used an online private forum for that - writing long posts about what is happening and our characters reaction to this. It slowly evolved into writing some short stories that shared the setting. No of those will ever see the light of the day but they were written. A lot of them were crap, some weren’t. What’s important: no one can take away the amount of words, work, time, sweat and fun I head writing those things. Some of those are still with me, in my head, evolving into bigger ideas, for short stories, novels etc. I failed many writing projects from shorts to novels, never getting far. My first finished novel will be my first novel but it won’t be my first words written nor I will approach it without researching the craft of writing. Is it still destined to be crap? I hope not. I think not. It will be rough, it will require editing, rewrites, multiple drafts and a lot of work. Therefore I ask You what’s your truly first written story/novel? The first page you wrote. Was it bad? How long ago was it? And what do you learned since then? How much have you written? Never forget being better at writing you have to write so the crappiest story is never truly “useless crap”. The experience, the struggles, even working your finger muscles - all has a value. Don’t forget that ideas need to be polished, worked on, fixed and fleshed out so don’t judge your idea by it’s first draft. Some stories need more work some less. Your process is important. Some might create a full draft in few days - but it is low quality - and rewrite it fifty times. Some might write first draft for months and only fix a few things after it’s done. There is no rule. Story is ready when it’s ready not after a fixed number/amounts of drafts, time, rewrites or beta readers. My first novel might be lacking in all ways but if I come to think of it I wrote it with addiction and habit that puts my current self into shame. My 14 years old self might have been a pathetic storyteller but he was one dedicated bastard. If only I kept spawning words the same way I used to back then I might have been able to handwrite 5k words a day right now! Remember, your current work in progress novel might not be the first story you are trying to crate. How many have you gone through in your mind? Maybe your first crappy novel is way behind you already.
What your past-self have done better than your current-self? And what surprises he/she has left for you that you (re)discovered only recently?